When To Say What

Sex Education for Boys

This is something that I’m probably the least qualified person to write about.  I got nothing from my father on this.  What I learned growing up, I learned the ways most boys do.  That is NOT the way to learn.  I did have ‘talks’ with my own boys, but they were woefully inadequate and not well thought out.

Now, I’m older and perhaps I can write from the deprivation of my own experiences with the hopes that others may do far better.  These conversations…and conversations IS the right word…are hugely important in the development of boys into biblical manhood.  And they should start early!

Santa Clause

I recently stumbled across this article about Santa Clause on Facebook.  It is a perfect lead in for our discussion on sex education and boys.  I do not know the author and so am unable to give proper credit.  But I love what it says:

Son:  Dad, I think I’m old enough now.  Is there a Santa Claus?

Dad:  Ok, I agree that your old enough.  But before I tell you, I have a question for you.  You see, the ‘truth’ is a dangerous gift.  Once you know something, you can’t unknow it.  Once you know the truth about Santa Claus, you will never again understand relate to him as you do now.  So my question is:  Are you sure you want to know?

Son:  Yes.  I want to know.

Dad:  Ok, I’ll tell you. Yes, there is a Santa Clause.

Son:  Really?

Dad:  Yes, really, but he’s not an old man with a beard in a red suit.  That’s just what we tell kids.  You see, kids are too young to understand the true nature of Santa Claus, so we explain it to them in a way that they can understand.  The truth about Santa Clause is that he’s not a person at all; he’s an idea.  Think of all those presents Santa gave you over the years.  I actually bought those myself.  I watched you open them.  And did it bother me that you didn’t thank me?  Of course not!  In fact, it gave me great pleasure.  You see, Santa Claus is the idea of giving for the sake of giving without thought of thanks or acknowledgement.  When I saw that woman collapse on the subway last week and called for help, I knew that she’d never know that it was me that summoned that ambulance.  I was being Santa Claus when I did that.

Son:  Oh.

Dad:  So, now you know and you’re part of it.  You have to be Santa Clause too now.  That means you can never tell a young kid the secret, and you have to help us select Santa presents for them.  Most important, you have to look for opportunities to help people.  Got it?

That is a beautiful, isn’t it?  Knowledge comes with responsibility commensurate with cognitive learning abilities.  When is the right time for a boy to start learning about sex?  How will you know?  Where do you want them to get this information from?  For certainly, they will find out what they need to know. 

Respect and Honor

I would suggest that this process begins ten years or so before a boy knows what sex is.  It starts by learning to respect a mother, sisters, and other girls.  An intentional father seeking to raise his son into biblical manhood will begin by teaching them to honor and respect women.  By the way, the greatest and most important example of this will be how you treat their mother.

This is the cornerstone of the mindset: honor and respect.  

• to stand when a woman enters the room

• to hold open doors

• to seat their mothers at the dinner table

• to refer to them as m’am 

Doesn’t it sound old-fashioned and antiquated in our post-modern world?  That’s part of the problem.  Women should not be degraded.