Affirmation

The second most important influence for a boy

Affirmation

The tag line for Treign Up is “Training and affirming boys to be competent men of Christ-like character.”  

Ben recently sent me a link to a message titled "Warning Christians: This New Trend Is Causing Children to Abandon God in DROVES" delivered by Israel Wayne. This presentation discusses the importance of a biblical worldview and how it is becoming less common among children. Israel Wayne emphasizes the role of parents in their children's spiritual development and encourages them to take an active role in imparting biblical values to counteract secular trends​ 

The video is featured on the Answers in Genesis YouTube channel, a platform dedicated to Christian apologetics and providing resources for defending the Christian faith against modern secular challenges​.   I am a big fan of the Answers in Genesis organization and recommend a trip to their Creation Museum, Ark, or any of their resources to include curriculum materials.

Midway through his address,  Mr. Wayne makes this statement:

The most important way to procure influence is spending time with that person.  The second is affirmation.   It is generally true that the person who spends the most time and affirms your child the most is going to have the most influence in their life.

Influence.  George Barna once wrote a book called “Transforming Children Into Spiritual Champions.”  I mention this because Mr. Wayne references Barna and his research quite a bit.   In that book published back in 2003, Barna talked a lot about the iconic influences that impact children the most.  The first five were all secular culture: 

• Music

• Movies

• TV

• Books

• Computers.  

Digital media has changed this so that social media platforms have increased in influence since then.  Still, it was interesting to note that parents were below peers on that list and the church wasn’t a factor.  AT ALL.  

While it is true that there is no formula for successful parenting, the Bible does make clear that parents are primarily responsible for raising their children.  Wayne laments that parents have (mostly) abdicated their responsibilities to peers and secular media.  He quotes from several studies that show of the 16 manageable hours in a day, a parent’s influence is relegated to about an hour of that.  Actually, he quotes from a report from the U.S Bureau of Labor and Statistics report in 2020 that says mothers spend one hour a day with their children and fathers 29 minutes.  

To interject…

The boy problem can NOT be reduced to one thing.  We have referred to it several times as a ‘wicked’ problem and related it to a leaking dam.  There are a lot of holes and severe structural damage to the foundations.  But, this idea certainly contributes to the problem and especially the statistics of father’s spending time with their children.

I’m going to get to the ‘affirmation’ part of this soon, but I have one more thing to point out about this idea of influence  as it relates to the parents and the church.

Mr. Wayne spends the first 20-plus minutes of his speech talking about the Christian worldview and how it has become but an echo of its former self in today’s culture.  The ‘West’ has clearly become post-Christian.  For years, we were a beacon of light to the world and sent missionaries around the globe spreading the Gospel message.  Now, those countries are sending their missionaries to us.  So, not only is the secular message permeating everything that influences your children, the church and the message of abundant and victorious life has been all but silenced.  Barna notes that only 4% of the population in the U.S. ascribe to an ‘evangelistic’ worldview.  In certain age samples (younger) we are on par with countries like Iraq, North Korea, and Afghanistan that identify themselves as ‘evangelistic Christians’.  YIKES.

And we are losing the generations after us.  You can watch the video of Mr. Wayne talk about this at

Parents must regain their footing as they vie for influence in their children’s lives.  One area we should be looking to manage more closely is the time spent in church.

Yup.  You read that correctly.  

Children and Youth Ministry in the Western culture has become a billion-dollar industry.  From the time you drop your kids off at church, they may spend most, if not all of that time away from you.  Someone else is doing what you as the parent should be doing.  Hey, maybe you are.  But most of us look at church as another place to drop off our kids for a break. 

“Did you have fun?”

“What did you learn”

That does not take the place of family devotions,  prayer times, and Bible reading.  Yet, church is just another place that parents abdicate their responsibility for raising their children.  The church will NOT be held accountable for your children’s spiritual condition. 

Nowhere in scripture does the Bible say the church is responsible for children.. 

I just spoke to my son about his day. It’s Sunday.  He said it was a low-key day.  After church, they had family time.  One of the things they did was spend time talking to their oldest son about some anxiety he’s been experiencing at night.  They opened up the Bible and shared passages about what God has to say on worry.  They prayed.  THAT is parenting spiritual formation in your children.  Bravo.

Affirmation.

I’ve spoken on this in an earlier blog where I talked specifically about affirmation in terms of blessing and the power of our words.   I never considered it in terms of the way Mr. Isaac speaks of it as influence.   Think about it.  Boys need to know they have what it takes.  They need to hear it from men;  their fathers or father-figures and/or the company of men. If they don’t get that at home or church, they’ll get it from other influences.   This is peer pressure.  It’s how gangs succeed.  For good or bad, kids need affirmation and will gravitate to the group that provides it.  

It's not a revelation; more of a reminder.  YOU are responsible for your child’s spiritual formation.  You have a small window of time to accomplish that.  It’s time well spent and if you want to have the influence necessary to impact their worldview, you will have to put in the time and the affirmation.   This is one of the primary goals of Treign Up;  a company of men that train AND AFFIRM boys to be competent men of Christ-like character.